This thought invaded me, and haunts me from time to time, when I am not thinking, or simply when I am running under the illusion that I am not thinking -- for it wouldn't be a thought if I was not thinking in the first place -- and to let it out became an imperative, and I always bow to imperatives, just as I never bow to imperators, and as such let me bow once more:
I am using a language to think. This language has codes that are foreign to nature itself. I am using such codes to think. When I use those codes and verbalize them, their sound seems foreign to me. Something else is being said that I did not want to say; yet I did, because I used those codes to think and to speak. Whatever was left unsaid -- for the codes to think and the codes to speak could not spill it out -- the codes to think think it is my soul. Yet it is no soul. Nor do I have a soul. It is my brain that, while using the codes to think, could not find the right code to give it to the codes to speak to say it all, for even in the transition between the natural codes and the codes to think something was already amiss. And all that is left undeciphered my codes to think think it is my soul. My codes to think shifted, of course, as I think now I have no soul. Either that or my codes to think are being misused. But the natural codes are sending affirmative messages in a code that the codes to think can understand. And this imperative is the latter’s translation.
So I turned to music for a better decoding of the natural codes. But music has its own codes as well. The result of music is another translation. Then I turned to drawing for a better decoding. But the natural codes are being translated by other codes as well, besides the limits that are being imposed by my nervous impulses to the tip of my fingers. So I turned back to the codes to think reaction to the affirmativeness of the natural codes, and here I stand. Souless, as the soul is just my untranslatable natural code.
Later today, my codes to think shivered while watching my dog’s natural codes telling him yet again to crap on an isolated plant growing in between the sidewalk’s cobblestones. He was acting as a natural fertilizer. Do you mind if I do the same? Oh, do not tell me there are even more codes, now social ones, social leashes, to prevent me for doing what is natural and useful…
